What to Say to Your Child Before a Big Game

The hour before a competition is one of the moments where parents have the most influence over how their child performs — and most don't realise it. What you say, how you say it, and whether you say anything at all shapes your child's mental state as they walk onto the field, court, or track.

The challenge is that parents are often anxious too. Big games matter to you. You've watched the preparation. You want it to go well. That investment is real and understandable — but if it leaks into the pre-game conversation, it adds weight your child doesn't need to carry.

The phrases that quietly add pressure

These are all well-intentioned. None are said to harm. But in the pre-game hour, they land differently than most parents expect:

• "Play your best today." This sounds like encouragement. To a nervous athlete, it sounds like a standard to hit — and raises the stakes of anything that falls short of it.
• "I'll be watching the whole time." For some athletes this is motivating. For many, particularly those who already worry about disappointing people, it adds an audience to manage on top of the opposition.
• "Don't be nervous." Emotions can't be instructed away. Telling a nervous athlete not to be nervous doesn't reduce the anxiety — it adds the pressure of trying to conceal it.
• "This is a really important game." They already know. You confirming it raises the cortisol, not the readiness.
• "Just enjoy it." Usually fine — but said when a child is visibly anxious, it can feel dismissive. It tells them their emotional state is wrong rather than normal.

None of these are catastrophic in isolation. Repeated game after game, they become part of a pre-competition script that elevates stress rather than channelling it.

What the pre-game window is actually for

From a mental performance standpoint, the hour before competition is a priming window. The athlete's brain is moving from general readiness into competition-specific focus. That transition is partly physical — warm-up, movement, activation — and partly psychological: narrowing attention, establishing mental state, reducing uncertainty.

Your role as a parent in that window is not to coach, not to motivate with speeches, and not to analyse what needs to happen. It is to be a source of calm. That is it. Calm, familiar, predictable presence signals to the athlete's nervous system that this situation is manageable — that it doesn't require elevated alarm.

What actually helps

Keep it short and normal. The longer and more deliberate the pre-game conversation, the more significant it becomes. A quick, genuine, low-stakes exchange does more for most athletes than an elaborate send-off. Treat it like any other morning.

Focus on them, not the game. "Did you sleep okay?" "Are you warm enough?" "What do you want to eat?" These feel inconsequential. They're also useful because they keep the conversation in the ordinary register — reminding the athlete that they're still just a person, not a performance about to be assessed.

Use process language, not outcome language. "Play your game" and "enjoy the competition" redirect attention toward the experience rather than the result. Compare those to "do well" or "win this one" — which redirect attention to outcomes the athlete can't fully control and don't benefit from thinking about in the warm-up.

Let them set the tone. Some athletes want conversation before a game. Others need silence, headphones, and space. Reading which one your child needs — and following their lead rather than your own pre-game habits — is one of the most practically useful things you can do.

The one thing worth saying

The same phrase that matters most after a bad game also matters before a big one:

"I love watching you play."

No conditions. No expectations attached. No performance required to justify it. Said before the game, it removes the implicit pressure of having to earn the statement with a good result. It tells the athlete that your enjoyment of watching them is not contingent on what happens next.

When your child is visibly anxious before a game

Pre-game nerves are normal — and in the right amount, useful. The physiological arousal that comes with anticipation is the same arousal that supports peak performance. The label "nerves" makes it feel like a problem. "Getting ready" is a more accurate and more helpful frame.

If your child says they're nervous, the least useful response is to dismiss it or try to reason them out of it. The most useful response is to normalise it: "That's your body getting ready. It means you care. That's a good thing."

If pre-competition anxiety is a consistent pattern that is affecting enjoyment or performance, it's worth taking seriously — not as a personality trait, but as a signal that your child hasn't yet been given the mental tools to work with that arousal effectively. See also: how to tell if your young athlete is burning out.

Your calm is the most useful thing you bring

Athletes absorb the emotional state of the people around them, particularly in the pre-competition window. A parent who is visibly anxious, over-focused on the result, or trying too hard to project artificial confidence creates a signal that something important is at stake and things might not go well.

Your genuine calm — not manufactured cheerfulness, but actual settled presence — communicates something different: that your child is prepared, that you trust them, and that you'll be there regardless of what happens. That belief, felt rather than stated, matters more than anything you can say in the car on the way there.

For what to do in the car on the way home, read: What should you say to your child after a bad game?